I hate Facebook epitaphs on principle.
I find them kind of crass and never properly enough; especially when
they're punctuated by emojis and when they pile up on the deceased's
profile... They will never see your thoughts. They will never read
them; they will never know what you said. Notifications will fill
some nebulous cloud and will never be received. In a sense; these
posts are less for the dead and more for yourself: A way to reconcile
some emptiness you feel. You didn't get the news in person; you were
scrolling through your highlights and this article comes up
announcing the murder of someone you knew but haven't spoken to in
years. You were merely “friends” in the connectivity-sense; who
knows the last time any words (real or digital) were even exchanged.
Your memorial post goes up. It usually
contains some pithy words; a toast; an ancient shared memory; a
lament that you never spent quite as much time together as you should
have; despite there having never been any reason why you couldn't
have. It helps you feel better and it helps you grieve; in your own
little way. There is no wrong made here; the mind must resolve loss
somehow and the family of the deceased often find comfort themselves.
The moment is fleeting. Some likes or
teary-faces are exchanged and we all feel like we did something good;
but then we move on with our lives. The internet won't allow us to
spend overlong on such an event; there is always the next thing we
have to produce an opinion on.
I learned of a tragedy today. It's
likely it won't occupy much of my mind in the coming days. I've got
my own shit to deal with and honestly it wasn't one that was very
close to me. Someone I knew from high school was murdered on Sunday
in the park that I used to walk home through every day. I haven't
been to that park in years. I haven't spoken to this person in half a
decade. I was friends with them on Facebook; I followed them because
I was always interested in what they had to say even if I almost
never agreed with it. I didn't even particularly like this person
when I was in school with them and that attitude kind of continued
after; but I never harbored ill-will or hate for them.
I was probably more struck by the
murder itself: it was in a park that I visited even as a young child.
It was mere blocks from where I lived with my mom. I took field trips
to the park. I don't know where the murder took place exactly; but
chances are I've stepped on that ground. I've probably looked on the
same patch of earth where this person's life was ended. Where they
saw the last thing they ever saw; whatever it might have been.
I cannot say that I knew this person
well or that they knew me well. Whatever words I could possibly say
about them are ultimately meaningless and probably would not be
highly valued; would that they could read them. I would not blame
this person for that; why should my feelings be important here? Quite
frankly; they are not. Others knew this person better; others held
this person closer in their hearts; others are grieving much more
than I; others are feeling much more loss than I. I do not feel it is
my place to join in that chorus of remembrance; though this very post
is in violation of that feeling.
I am saddened by the loss of this
person. I hope the family manages to find justice and peace. What is
is there to be said; truly?
